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Should I write a book on “ The Year 2013”
Don’t you sometimes wish the memories of a year were mere scribbles on a chalkboard? What if is was possible to take a sponge and just simply erase them at will? What would you take off the screen of your life in the year gone by? What do you want to carry over to the next year? What are some of the challenges you overcome last year? What are some of the skills you developed? What are some of your contributions to your community? How are you a different person starting the new year? Any random acts of kindness you want to share? Any painful experiences you need to let go of? Any joyful taste still lingering in your heart? I am curious!
Now, as a coach posing hard questions and expressing joy or pain may not be that difficult for me. The true challenge is filling the prescription for myself first!
Should I write a book on “ The Year 2013” the cover design would be Thanatos looking curiously at humans on Earth wondering; Wondering what would it really take to make this species believe in him. Wondering how they can love so passionately, live ambitiously and fall for attachments so easily knowing that his “ kiss” is closer than a breath away.
This year was an exceptional year of opening my heart and soul to impermanence and death. Living with a partner who is still grieving the loss of a beloved wife to a three year battle with cancer was just the tip of the iceberg. Traveling home to Iran after twelve years and witnessing the striking attack of time at everything I had loved and I had left behind slapped the face of my denial. And losing my mother made me snatch every bit of memory I had, hoping they would keep her unconditional love flowing in my veins to keep my heart alive. Having to accept that no one calls my name like she did, and no one ever will, made me “ listen” with my soul. Knowing that no one looks into my eyes like she did, and no one ever will, helped me “ look” with my heart. And feeling the hollow chamber in my heart that no one will ever occupy, enabled me to love myself and others more. Carrying death-bird on my shoulder and going through 2013 taught me a lot.
I want to carry on the friendship I have developed with death and impermanence to 2014 and utilize it to develop authentic compassion towards myself and others. Practicing aikido as a path of freedom and conscious embodiment will be another way of extending this love inward and outward. Embracing pain in aikido will be a practice of getting closer to “pain“ in life and developing the heart that sees the pain in all human actions that cause “ hurt”. The quality I want to work on is “ Self worth” therefore the narrative I want to step in is “ Empress inside out “! I want to develop curiosity about how I am setting boundaries and how I am communicating my boundaries to others with compassion and respect. The question of the year I will be living with is “ how did I believe in myself today?”. As a new skill, I am picking up music! A lot to look forward to. I feel my heart filled with joy setting in this new journey!
If I ever finish that book on “ the Year 2013” the back cover will be Thanatos, still looking amazed at the humans on Earth but this time amazed at his new discovery; the realization that no matter how much he spreads his wings, there’s a much more powerful force that keeps this species moving forward. Discovering that as long as there’s kindness, wisdom, faith, hope and love this Human race will forgive and forget him.
Have a wondrous 2014