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If I was to give 2014 a title, I would call it the “ convalescence”. A mandatory recuperation of heart, soul and body. A year of obligatory slow down and reflection. A much needed time of re-evaluating my personal stories, my interpretations of the world around me and my connections. Not quite a smooth ride but incredibly rewarding.
The year started off with a strong intention of working hard and flourishing the business. Soon into the month of January though the call for compassion took over. Life presented, in it’s own mysterious way, an opportunity to re-establish bonds, long forgotten and the choice to provide care for a loved one. Maybe this was just the Universe’s way to expedite healing of the open wounds of 2013. Wounds that were still cutting deep into my heart. Maybe this was the world teaching me I needed to let go of the heavy burden of losing my mother. The load I was still persistently carrying. I can’t say it worked. The pain is undoubtedly forever unforgettable. But the affect of surroundings and events, in facing the reality can not be taken for granted. Her memory lives on, with much leas pain and suffering.
The rebirth of nature in Spring was crowned with connecting with old friends: A trip to the beach, the feeling of being loved and loving in return, rejuvenation, re-centering. There was a sensation of letting go_ better say, having to let go_ of a part of me as my son celebrated his 10th birthday. Moving from his single digit years into his teens certainly opened the door to a new way of connecting, to new conversations and rise & fall of emotions. It suddenly made it inevitable to feel like a grown up! A curiosity arising: how can I prepare myself for teenage years?!
Summer. Sunshine. Trade-shows. Conferences. Business trips. Meetings. Pool. Garden. Camps. A fast forward of events. And yes, getting ready for the last year in Grade school. A life hardly allowing me to live!
And Fall… Fall was a different story! Fall was when my eyes demanded me to take a fresh look at life and it’s contents. A fresh look at my relationships, my professional obligations, my time, my values, and yes, my way of being. Once I was awake and cleansed from the drugs that kept me and my eyes numb for almost two months, it was time to “see”. A major shift, a transformation happened. In many ways I was a stranger to myself. All for good!
As my recovery was established, a new era in my work began. An opportunity that injected fresh blood into the veins of those long quiet helpless days of recuperating. A 360 degree turn. Back into the intention for the year! Was the whole year a dream gone by? Who shall tell?!
As I am trying to close the chapter to 2014, I find it harder and harder to do so. There are years in one’s life that events just happen and no significant incidents or , no occurrences demand special attention, No 2 by fours hit one on the head. No major need for new ways of being, new habits. 2014 sure does not fit in that category for me. True that it will soon be a memory but a memory remembered with much gratitude for the opportunity it presented and for the way it changed me. A year that truly etched gratitude for authentic love in my heart. A year that granted me the wisdom of living in “ pain” and “ uncertainty” . A year that proved to me that suffering is as much a choice as love and happiness. A year I am forever respectful to.